Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
How's work?
Spinning.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
