I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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