We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
