So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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