I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
