I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
