brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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