just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize