Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
