Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
