good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
