Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am naked and annoyed.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
