Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
