i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize