I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize