we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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