i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Randomize
