Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
