we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Randomize
