yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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