So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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