As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
