There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
