Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
