I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
