He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
