Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
