Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
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