Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
