i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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