ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
