he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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