we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
