just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
