matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
