I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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