i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
