come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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