so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
