Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize