It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
