So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
