before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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