Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize