i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
