If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
