Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
