Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
you had me at cake vodka
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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