Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
