Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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