just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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