i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
