It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
