Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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