I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize