put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
