If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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