I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
