Sry I called you an 8
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
