eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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