We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize