Don't you send me to vm
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
