Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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