The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
