just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize