It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
what the fuck happened to the tacos
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
