I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
