Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
being pregnant is like rehab
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
