Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
