I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
