I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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