i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
