Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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