Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
