I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
