I am spending my child support on dildos
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
