Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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